My beautiful daughter...

Tuesday is the 14th birthday of my oldest daughter, Meghann.



When we found out about her impending arrival, it was a bit of a shock as we held her 6 month old brother. There was a bit of panic about having two babies so close together, and giving birth while Rich was out to sea. But every bit of that melted away the first time I saw her on the ultrasound. Even at 20 weeks, she had chubby cheeks and was completely adorable. It wasn't ideal timing... but we couldn't have asked for a more beautiful or perfect daughter.

When she was born, she didn't even cry, just started breathing. She has had a mellow temperment throughout her life. She has brought her Dad and I, along with our entire family so much joy!

Meghann deals with life in such a mature way, moving, the loss of her beloved Grandmother. I really cannot say enough good things about her. She is our princess, our Cinderella and we love her so so very much.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl! We hope that your 14th year is your most magical one yet!

This is so hard

Hey Everyone
No, I really didn't fall off the face of the earth... I have just been very quiet the past month or so. Reflective.

I feel most of the time as though I am stuck in a time warp, every day is the same, and my main goal is just to get through the days. That's all I want, is to just get through the days.
I miss Rich so much, I cannot even find the words to describe it. I need him more than I like to admit to myself. He is truly my other half, and without him, life itself is just difficult. We did have a wonderful time when he was here in March!

Very soon it will be Meghann's birthday, now my baby girl will be 14 years old, which I cannot believe. I will write a post dedicated to her in the next few days.

I will try to post in the next day or so, and be more regular. 8 months 12 days left to go...

11 weeks, One more day and 16 years

Isn't that an odd title for a blog post?

Well the 11 weeks, that is how long it's been since I've seen Rich of course. An impossibly long time, too long. 43 weeks left to go.

One more day, that means that he will be here tomorrow night. I am so excited, yet I find myself struggling with mixed emotions. I am so excited to see him (couldn't sleep last night) yet my heart aches all the same. The kids and I are more or less adjusted to him not being here now. And re-setting the clock is painful, each and every time you have to say goodbye it's worse. Sigh... God, just let me see the good in this and give me strength. Don't let me dwell on the fact that next week, he will be in the nastiest dirt hole of the middle east.

16 years... It was 16 years ago today that I met my dear husband. What seems at times to be an entire lifetime ago, yet only yesterday all the same. The luckiest day of my life to be sure.
I love this man, I have loved him since the day I met him and I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband, such a wonderful human being in my life!

15 years ago....

15 years ago, I was in labor. A process that dragged on endlessly, for nearly 30 hours. But which gave me the best gift, my son. My only son.

I remember lying there on the operating table after the Dr finally delivered you, and listening to you cry. And I remember so well, the first time they placed you in my arms. I was immediately awestruck, and wondered how it was possible for a human being to love another human being so immediately and completely.

You were such a good baby, and you and Mommy did everything together until you were 3 months old and we were back with Daddy. Then it was the 3 of us who did everything together. Going to the movies, out to dinner. So many special times. Holding you up by your hands so I could dip your little feet in the Pacific, only to have you get struck by a wave. You sputttered and then laughed. Climbing into the bathtub on your own, while Mommy was filling it with water. The way you used to hold my finger when I nursed you. So many precious memories.

Now, you are nearly a man. I look at you, so tall. You remind me so much of your Dad, but you have much of me in you as well. I am so proud of you, with your little mustache that's growing in. With your physical capabilites, the way you are so fiercely competitive on the football field.
I am so proud of you, and man you are becoming. And, Matthew Ryan, I still wonder how one person can love another so completely. All I know is that with you, it's been easy.
I love you so much!

Happy 15th Birthday, Buddy!

Another month gone...

Today is the last day of February, yay! Each and every month I can mark off of the calendar is a month closer to my husband being home, and life being "normal" again. Besides that, I hate winter and Jan/Feb are the worst months of the year for me. I used to include March in that equation, but since my son was born in March, it's not such a terrible month any longer. His birthday is in 6 days! Which leads me to a funny story... Matt is a health nut, and an exercise junky. He doesn't like to eat any sweets.

Well, yesterday I am at the store, shopping for groceries and I am peering at the cake selection. I happened to be on my cell phone with Rich, and I asked him what kind of cake I should buy buddy for his birthday. Well, we used to be able to buy him carrot cake, because we convinced him that it was healthy because it had carrots in it. Sometime in the past year, he has figured out that is not the case (darn!!) so I am back to square one. So I couldn't decide on what to do, finally I told Rich that I was going to buy Matt a relish tray, and stick a candle in the middle of it. When I mentioned that to Matt last night, he giggled and told me that a cheesecake would be an acceptable alternative. So I guess we are going to do that. Goofy kid!! He's a great guy, my son. All of my kids are great, really. We have been very blessed. I just cannot believe how grown up they are getting. Iwas sitting here at the computer the other day and he walked past me, I couldn't believe how TALL he was.

I am doing ok at the moment. Last night the left side of my chest was hurting very badly, I was in tears. I seem to be feeling better today, just a dull ache. I am more than ready for this bronchitis to leave. "Ok, you have made my life miserable long enough, you can go now."

Hope everyone has a great weekend, I am going to try and follow Dr's orders and get some rest. TTFN!

I wish...

I wish that I wasn't so cynical, that I could believe, even occasionally that people are good, honest and virtuous.

I wish that my circle of trust could include more people, but having seen the dark side of human nature, I don't think that is possible.

I wish that people could think more of others rather than themselves.

I wish that negativity and fear mongering wasn't so much a part of daily life in the US of A.

I wish that you could speak your mind, without being concerned that someone won't like what you have to say, even if they need to hear it.

I wish that people would take responsibility for their actions, good or bad, rather than using a barrage of excuses to justify it, when nothing can justify it.

I don't want to say "why me"

Just got back from the Dr's office (again!) and guess what? Yours truly has developed a fabulous case of bronchitis, double lung. Yay for me, and my GREAT immune system. Do I sound cynical? Truly, I am lucky because I caught it early. 10 days of antibiotics should do the trick. But in the mean time, yuck! The coughing is miserable and my entire chest hurts. When I called Rich to tell him, bless his heart, he sounded frustrated to the Nth degree. It seems like my immune system just likes to give out on me, on a regular basis. I catch viruses that I come in contact with, and viruses that anyone in my family comes in contact with. I am a virus magnet.

I don't want to ask why me though. The reason, I remember the story of Job and what happened to him when he asked God, "why me." Instead, I prefer to believe that we all have crosses to bear, and this is mine. I will just take my pills, and be thankful.

In other news, it looks like Rich is pretty well assured of his next duty station. We are going back to PA. The Lehigh Valley this time, which is great. It's so pretty up there, and I love the Pocono's. Besides that, the fact that Rich's best friend Tim is only about 30 miles away! That will make both of them happy.
It's so awesome to discuss the future, our future beyond this dratted deployment and to start looking at life afterwards when our family is back together.

That's all for today, need to try and grab a nap. Dr's orders!