Mortality and Morality- Part 1

Ok, I know that just a few hours ago I said I would post again in a few days... But I got to thinking. The media coverage of Heath Ledger's death, in fact got me to thinking. He was 28, almost 29 years old-- 8 years younger than me, and he is gone. God bless his soul, btw. He was a wonderfully talented actor and a seemingly great Dad.
When you are that age, or my age of 36, you typically don't think about death very much. You start to see it as something that is inevitable, but so far away you really don't put much thought to it. After all, 40 is the new 30 which is the new 20, etc.

I, however, have had more than a few things happen to me in the past several years which have caused me to think about and sometimes dwell on my mortality... Losing my Mother was the first thing. I think that when we lose our parents it really makes us see our mortality for the first time in a harsh light. After all, if our parents, who are everything to us- our heroes, our caretakers-our everything. If they can die, then we can die too. This is a thought that I have obsessed about many times over the past 19 months. It's pretty scary, and takes some time getting used to.
Then having a husband in the army makes you think about mortality, too. And so often, well meaning but RUDE people ask you "What would you do if he died?" This question is what led me to post today, to answer that question for everyone once and for all.

So, what would I do if Rich made the ultimate sacrifice in Iraq? The answer is clear, and something that he and I have both talked about on numerous occasions.

I would be a Mom, I would be a Grandmother sometime in the future.

But I would never, NEVER, be a wife again.

I firmly believe that marriage is something that you do only once in your lifetime, if you are lucky enough to have that kind of love in your lifetime. Rich is so many things to me, my husband, my partner in every way, and most importantly my very best friend in the world. He and I grew up together in many aspects. We have shared our lives, our bed, our hopes, our dreams, our hurts and our hearts. How could you ever find that again? It doesn't happen twice. No one could would, or could ever understand me the way he does.

I would never want my children, no matter how old they might be, to feel that I was in some way trying to replace their father. Rich and I have both experienced that in our lives now, and its painful to say the least. I wouldn't want that to happen, ever. Rich and I both feel this way.

I will finish this post later today...